2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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