you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
