some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
