you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
