i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
