sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
