Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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