They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
