i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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