There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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