please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
