Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
