worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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