yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
