and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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