Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
