Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
