So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
