Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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