he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
