i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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