I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
