I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you never un-have a 4some
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
