hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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