Jerry, you need to find god
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
