eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
