I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
