I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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