If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
