This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
