I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
