I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
