I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
