1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I didn't shave. On purpose
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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