She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
