He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
