It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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