...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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