I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
