yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
