I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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