Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
