3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
