So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
two words...techno handjob
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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