Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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