chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
