he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
