I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
