Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
