He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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