Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
