My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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