I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
