I think i sorta joined a cult last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
