maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
